Scott Porad

In a recent blog post, Erica O’Grady writes:

Anyone who has talked to me lately, knows that I’m OBSESSED with Happiness. What is it? What does it look like, taste like, feel like? How do we get it? How do we know when we have it? Is Happiness even possible?

and what came to mind when I read that I’m not sure Happiness is something we can obtain directly.  In other words, my sense (based on my experience) is that Happiness is a byproduct of other types of well-being.

To put in another way, there is a thing called Happiness out there in the world that exists.  I believe this.  However, I very much believe that if you are attempting to obtain Happiness directly that, by definition, you will not obtain it.  There is no possible way to obtain it directly and any attempts to obtain it will yield the opposite result.  Like Alice and the Red Queen, the faster you run the further away you will get from your destination.

So, earlier I said this weird phrase “type well-being”.  What is a type of well-being?  Social, Emotional, Mental, Physical — our whole selves are composed of these components.  The activities in our lives, including external factors, affect each and all of these components which, in turn, yield Happiness or lack thereof.

What might these affectations be?  Stimulation.  Meaning.  Engagement.  Love.  Or lack thereof for all of these.  This is, obviously, not a comprehensive list…just an illustration of what might influence or types of well-being in such a way that yields happiness.

Of course, all this is very abstract, so let’s bring it back down to the ground: if you’re seeking Happiness, stop.  Stop now, because you will not find it that way.  

Instead, go do something that may or may not stimulate your social-emotional-mental-or-physical well-being.  Exercise.  Read a book.  Call a friend and talk.  Something, anything, it almost doesn’t matter…do not be afraid that it might not be just the right thing…just pick the first thing that comes to mind and do it.

Then, when you’re done, ask yourself if you enjoyed it…did it make you happy?  If so, then do it again.  If not, then try something else.  It’s just that easy.